5 Holiday Stress Triggers (And How To Cope)

5 Holiday Stress Triggers (And How To Cope)

Don't miss our hour-long Twitter chat with Columbia University's Dr. Frank Schneier on dealing with holiday stress today at 12:30 p.m. ET! Follow us at @HealthyLiving and tune in to the chat with #livehealthychat.

The holidays are for spending quality time with people you love -- gathering together to share meals, open gifts, attend services and partake in festive, wintertime activities.

But, for many of us, they can often become a source of stress -- dealing with travel headaches, coping with grief or loss, being constantly bombarded with temptations (food and shopping, among others) and dealing with interpersonal conflicts.

Instead of letting it all stew inside, there are healthier ways to handle holiday stress.

We talked to two experts -- Dr. Franklin Schneier, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, and Steven Meyers, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Roosevelt University -- about how to identify the first triggers of stress, and then what to do about it. Read on for their helpful advice:

• 1. Travel Stress

  <strong>The Situation:</strong> Your flight has been majorly delayed or even canceled, and you're not able to make it to your holiday destination. You're spending hours on the phone with the airline, trying to rebook your flight. <strong>The Solution:</strong> The reason travel is so stressful in the first place is because many of the factors surrounding it = are out of our control, Meyers says. You "surrender control to weather, airlines, hotel, to a much greater extent during the holidays than other times during the year." The main stressor with holiday travel is the amount of disruption to routine and the amount of novelty thats involved. Therefore, the key to reducing stress is by <em>anticipating</em> it to the greatest extent possible. "For example, with the stress associated with travel, it's oftentimes in people's best interests to add an extra margin of time so they wont be arriving in their intended destination with no time to spare," Meyers says. Schneier adds that coming up with a game plan -- what you can <em>do</em> if travel headaches strike -- can help you to keep your cool. He advises that people identify what exactly they're feeling -- whether it's guilt (for not anticipating the travel problem) or fear (or looking like a screw-up) -- and then think about what they can do to remedy the problem at hand. Then, self-care. Think about "what else can I do to take care of myself? Perhaps a breathing exercise, or picking up a novel to read will help my tension," Schneier says.

• 2. Avoiding Conflict At The Family Dinner

  <strong>The Situation:</strong> There's a family member you really can’t stand who will be at the annual holiday dinner. You don't want to dampen the mood for everyone else -- what’s the best way to handle this person? <strong>The Solution:</strong> The first step is accepting that this "problem person" is going to act in a way that will bother you, Schneier says. Then, acknowledge that the only thing you have control over is <em>how</em> you interact and deal with this person. "Ask yourself what thoughts will be likely to be disturbing me," such as "He's so selfish!" or "She's thinks she's better than me," he says. Then, think about what <em>you</em> can focus on to help you decrease those negative feelings. For example, you could tell yourself: "Just because he has a problem, I don't have to let it get to me," or "I can choose not to react to her provocation. I'm going to focus on enjoying being with the people I want to see." Meyers adds that you can also take steps to minimize the contact you have with this person. "Often at family gatherings, there's enough people where you can socialize and focus on someone else at a greater extent," he says. Or, if you <em>must</em> engage,"dilute the person," he says. "Avoid one-on-one time ... Often it's easier to have productive conversation when there are other people around who can serve as buffers, like a group conversation."

• 3. Finances Are Tight

  <strong>The Situation:</strong> Money is tight this year, and you can't afford gifts/as many gifts as you gave last year. You're afraid of disappointing the kids. <strong>The Solution:</strong> First, identify what exactly about this situation is the most stressful, Schneier says. To get to the root of the problem, ask yourselves questions like, "Are the kids likely to be disappointed in the gifts?" If the answer to this is "yes," then perhaps they're old enough to be told the truth that this year is a harder time than usual. Meyers agrees, saying that when presented in an age-appropriate way, kids can often understand the reality of being "tight on money." Another option is giving kids something beyond the material, such as a new "freedom" or a privilege. "You could present this to children [in a way] that doesn't minimize its impact," he says. "Rather than presenting it as a consolation prize, [parents] could build it up and ensure they're choosing things that children really want to have during the year."

• 4. You're Running Out Of Time

  <strong>The Situation:</strong> You don't have time to finish everything on your holiday to-do list. <strong>The Solution:</strong> Begin by starting with realistic expectations. "Oftentimes people's hopes and aspirations are elevated dring the holidays and the new year," Meyers says. For example, maybe you're expecting to be productive at work, but "many of your colleagues are taking vacation time, diminishing <em>your</em> productivity." So the best thing you can do, he says, is to be purposely kind to yourself. "Build in a margin in advance to decrease your highest hopes, then remember to reassure yourself that often the consequences for not completing an entire list aren't as grave or as dire as you think at first," Meyers says. Schneier also recommends reframing the situation: "Are there other ways to think about this? After all, I made the list as a goal for myself, it wasn't handed to me as a requirement and it isn't written in stone," he says. "Is it possible that I set too-ambitious goals? Can I give myself credit for all that I have accomplished?" And, above all, remember that you don't have full control over others' happiness, Schneier says. Just think: "I'll do the best I can."

• 5. You're Feeling Guilty Because You Can't Be There

  <strong>The Situation:</strong> You have to work on the holidays and can't spend it with family, which makes you feel guilty. <strong>The Solution:</strong> Consider thinking about the holidays as period of time lasting several days, and not just one make-it-or-break-it day, Meyers says. "See if it's possible to schedule different times to get together," he says. "Viewing it as a holiday week is oftentimes less stressful than viewing it as a single day occurrence." Schneier also suggests pinpointing the exact kinds of guilty thoughts you might be having. If it's guilt over letting down your family, instead think about other ways you can spend time with your loved ones and explaining to them the full circumstances. "I'm making the best choice for me and my family in the long run. Being together on the holiday is nice, but it's not everything," he says. Or, if the guilty feelings stem from <em>wanting</em> to work on the holidays to avoid gatherings, you could remind yourself that there are <em>other</em> ways to enrich family relationships, Schneier says.

• How to Relieve Holiday Stress

  Learn how to keep your heart healthy and reduce holiday stress this season.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com